Skip to content


Why Wills and Kate must breed

By Charles Foster

As some may have noticed, today there is a wedding.  It has been immensely costly, and while I do not for a moment resent that expenditure, the cost has an important ethical corollary.

The money has been spent primarily to ensure dynastic continuity. By accepting our money for their Bollinger and bobbies, William and Kate are impliedly accepting our commission to use their best endeavours to breed. They have taken the People’s Shilling, and have become, first and foremost, breeding animals. Their gametes are held in trust for the nation, and they should guard them.  Kate must marinate her eggs in the finest organic nutrients that Fortnums has to offer: William must never wear tight underpants, and always wear a box when he plays cricket.Read More »Why Wills and Kate must breed